What Constitutes Chivalry Today?
Chivalry is a word that brings a polar response from women today either because they don’t like/want it or because they aren’t getting any chivalrous acts done for them. No wonder people are so confused and uncertain as to what is the correct behaviour!
The quick answer to this would probably be : “Do what you think is right” If it feels right to you, then it IS right for you. If someone that you have done a chivalrous act for does not appreciate your kindness and consideration, then clearly you are not associating with the right person or people.
So what is chivalry today? It is made up but not limited to, the following elements:
- Good Manners
- Kindness towards others
- Consideration of any and everyone around you
- Thoughtfulness towards others
- Generosity of spirit and with physical things
- Doing something for someone before it is asked of you
- Showing grace and elegance in response to an act of chivalry
And a myriad number of other smaller things that are just ‘are’ without being big things but make a person feel good about themselves and their world. Another way of putting that could be “making a difference” in someones life in a non-obtrusive manner. It could be as simple as a smile in passing a stranger on the street.
It is a complicated meaning for such a small word yet it brings out such a huge emotional response from both men and women.
Men because they want to provide and do something for their female friends yet too often feel unappreciated for having done it or worse, even ‘put down’ for having done it.
Some women feel that it threatens their independence while other women aren’t comfortable about it because they simply don’t know how to respond to such an act of uninvited or unexpected kindness.
Uncertainty on both sides leads to ill-feeling between people and consequently no-one knows any more just what is or isn’t expected of them. The short answer to this sometimes humiliating question is “if it feels like it’s the right thing for you to do, then do it.” This way you will be being true to yourself and this is very important.
If you are a man, and your inclination and upbringing has been to show respect to women by opening doors and pulling out their chair to seat them before you get seated, then do you really want to be associated with someone who doesn’t share the same values?
If you are a woman and the male person you are with plonks himself down first or doesn’t bother opening a door for you, if you have been brought up to appreciate these little gestures, do you really want to be associated with or spend the rest of your life with some one who has such bad manners and lack of consideration for you? No, it wouldn’t be worth the regret or divorce court stress.
So the old saying of “Birds of a Feather, Flock together” is a pretty good rule of thumb to follow when it comes to finding like-minded people to hang out with.